"A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists."
1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
9. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
10. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
11. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
12. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
13. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
14. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
17. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
18. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
23. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
26. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
27. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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